A Year Ago

Exactly a year ago today I found out I was pregnant.  Wes was just two lines on a stick and now he's a chubby, happy 4 month old.  I cannot believe how fast this year has flown by.  Also? I would get SO MAD when people would say to me, "You're pregnant? HA.  You'll never sleep again!" I always thought I'd sleep when the baby sleeps.  The baby has to sleep sometime.  I couldn't understand why people were always so negative about babies and sleep.  Ha. Ha. Ha.  Yes, those people were right.  BUT the fun of watching this little human become interactive and social is incredible. It is also overwhelming when I think about his need and dependence on me...forever.  I get scared when I think about the new challenges that I'll encounter as he gets older and I realize it will never get easier.  I spent the first 8 weeks of his life longing for it to be easier and I think most of that longing was the adjustment of going from no kids to such a huge responsibility.  I remember a few days after his birth watching Ilmar walk around our house and I thought to myself: how can he just walk around like everything is completely normal when my life just completely changed?

I really love being his mom and it's crazy to think that only a year has passed since I started anticipating his (unique) arrival.  It truly feels like ages ago and it also feels like yesterday. 

Absolutely nothing can prepare you for motherhood - nothing.  Not even dogs.  You can't understand it until your in it.  I think that's why moms tend to gravitate towards each other; you're just desperate for someone who is going through the same things as you to tell you it's normal and they've been there.  I've reconnected with many friends since having a baby because many of us had babies in the past year. I definitely look forward to the facebook messages and emails we exchange.  Once Wes gets a little older and more mobile I'm going to look into joining a mom's group in my area.  I had tried to join a few weeks ago but every time we set up a time to meet, Wes was napping!  Go figure.  My hope and goal for right now is to just get through each day.  It's hard when I'm so tired and I'm hoping his sleep will improve.  I didn't want to say anything in case Wes is reading this but the other night he did a 5.5 hour stretch and last night he did a 4 hour stretch.  The 4 hour stretch was a bit disappointing, he woke up and wasn't hungry...just awake and needed assistance getting back to sleep.  I did rock him to sleep and he stayed asleep another 1.5 hours and then was ready to eat.  I think he was up every 2 after that but I didn't keep track like I normally do because I was barely waking up for the feedings.  I'm heading over to the library today to pickup the Ferber book.  I just want to read it and see if sleep training is route I need/want to take.  I am always so riddled with worry that I did something wrong with Wes...if I did a disservice to him and somehow prevented him from learning good sleep habits.  Did I prevent him from learning to self soothe and fall back to sleep on his own because I always gave him a pacifier for naps and bedtime?  I just can't wait for all of this to be behind me one day, I really can't.  Worrying sucks.   

Do you have any sleep advice or tips?  Please share them with me!