Stress.

In the post below I mentioned that I was done stressing about Weston and his lack of solid sleep.  There are quite a few reasons for this, one of them being what the stress did to me.

Isn't that lovely?  I've had what I thought was an eczema outbreak, starting few weeks after Weston was born.  I thought it was due to raging, crazy postpartum hormones and was using hydro-cortisone to treat it.  I kept putting off seeing a dermatologist because sometimes it would almost completely go away.  I woke up with painful, dry, and raging red eyelids a few Fridays ago.  My doctor is not open on Friday and the only dermatologist covered by my insurance wasn't taking appointments until OCTOBER.  So me and Weston ended up at Urgent Care.  I couldn't ignore it any longer.  The doctor on call was WONDERFUL and so was Weston, he was so patient and content...we were there for awhile and I appreciated it.  I was diagnosed with seborrheic dermatitis.  The doctor asked me when I first started noticing the flare ups and if I was stressed.  OF COURSE I AM STRESSED, my baby doesn't sleep and the entire week before this serious flare up I was an emotional wreck...constantly crying and tired and in a hazy fog of self pity for me and my broken, non-sleeping baby.  And coincidentally the flare ups didn't start happening until a few weeks after giving birth when the stress first started. Taking care of a newborn for the first time is exhausting.  I realized I was running myself into the ground.  I have been a ball of anxiety and stress lately and it's not good.  I need to start taking better care of myself.  I've been stress eating cookies and ice cream lately and just haven't been feeling good...there was a time where I was eating healthy and getting out everyday to hike with Wes...now I was letting myself go and it was taking a toll.  I needed an attitude and lifestyle change.  This is where I am at now.  No more stressing.  I have to relax and let things go.  I have to stop Googling about babies and sleep.  I have to stop eating cookies.  If I can't get the rest my body needs at night then I need to fuel my body with exercise and healthy foods during the day or I will not survive this.  I still haven't mustered up the energy to do a workout DVD when he goes down for the night.  I am still walking with him and a dog when the weather is good.  I've been eating tons of green veggies (mostly Kale) each day and haven't touched a cookie in 2 weeks.  I'm scared to step on the scale.  I was 10lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight last month but I am most certain I've gained a bit back.  That's okay.  I'm aware that I was self-destructing and self medicating with food.  I am trying to stop this behavior since the raging, red eyelids were a wake-up call for me.